All of us have that critical voice in our heads that can help us reflect on our behaviour and actions. It has it’s uses. But when you’re depressed it can break you down from the inside out.
The nature of depression means that it can debilitate the sufferer from even engaging in any action to overcome the depression; feeling helpless, useless, lethargic and hopeless. And when this inner self critic is very much alive it can be even more difficult to see the silver lining. Usually the frequency and intensity of the voice will be related to the severity of depression. The more depressed one feels the more likely it is that the voice has taken the front seat in their mind. It is also a sign of low self esteem, which gets lower as the voice gets stronger.
Gradually, everything becomes viewed through that voice and the world becomes tarnished. The sufferer’s self perception becomes distorted and views of reality become fragmented.
For example, you share an idea with friends or colleagues but it doesn’t get taken any further and you think ‘what was the point? No one’s ever going to take you seriously, you never make things happen’, or you spend a bit more than you planned and the voice goes off ‘you’re never going to get anywhere if you can’t even save your money, you never learn’, or when you’re feeling down, and, to the frustration of your family, you reside from doing your household chores ‘you’re useless, you never do anything for anyone, there’s no point in you being here, no one needs you’ etc. We might experience this now and again as a frustration to ourselves but for a depressed person these can be of serious concern and become internalized perceptions of the self i.e. I am not valued, I am irresponsible, I am worthless.
Maybe you’re aware of particular statements your voice raises in specific situations, this awareness will help put a silencer on the voice. So what can you do about it?
As I mentioned earlier, a depressed person will be in a vicious cycle where their mental state will make it really difficult for them to take any action to counteract their this, but it is worth making the extra effort even when you have little energy.
It is helpful to realize when the thoughts occur so that you can uncover the cause.
-Writing the comments down in third person will help externalize the voice as if it’s coming from outside yourself, which will help put a gap between it and yourself.
-Talking to someone who is more positive
-Engage in activities that were once enjoyable to you. Even though they may have lost all pleasure, they may spark some positive energy or help you overcome the feelings of indifference.
-Think of the logical explanations for the way someone is acting or the way an event turned out.
The longer the negative self- image and negative voice have been with you and been given attention to, the more they will grow! So reversing them and their effects will take as much time and attention as it did to get them to where they are now.
I’ll end with a metaphor that I head once and made great sense to me:
Picture yourself standing on a train platform. One stops in front of you, it doesn’t look or sound very positive but you decide to get on. Consequently this train begins to approach the platform more frequently. It becomes filled with more negativity; you decide it’s perfectly fine, you can sit in a quiet corner, and again get on the train. You start to feel the air of criticism surrounding you. It’s not a good feeling and you realize you don’t want to be there anymore. Next time you try and ignore it when it stops in front of you with open doors. It’s difficult because it’s becoming loud and irritated. You close your eyes to shut it out and eventually it leaves. To be followed by a cleaner, smoother running train. The more you get on this one the more frequently it arrives.
You’ve probably guessed that the trains are your thoughts, the more you entertain and engage with the type of thoughts that come into your mind the more frequently and more intensely they will occur. You can even take it a step further and imagine that each train is going to a different destination or in a different direction or has a different colour presenting a different emotion. You would only get on the one which you were comfortable with and avoid the ones with signs that will take you the wrong way.
Several trains will approach you, it is your choice which one you get on.
It's A Mental Life 