The pull of depression, or feeling motionless can give you some insight into the problems you’re facing. Why does it keep happening? What makes things so difficult? And while our lives are spent behind this glass ceiling we are missing the experiences that life has to offer.
“You’re struggling so hard with your problem that it’s all you can concentrate on.”
The above quote is from a novel I recently started, and the timing couldn’t be perfect since today was one of those ‘stuck’ days. And if I look back to some of my written thoughts from a few months ago I find something similar. I’d written about still holding onto things and not having worked through things, which caused me to spend too much time thinking about them and letting them get in the way of life! Not much has changed. It’s frustrating but it’s a reminder.
The feeling of being stuck, and actually being stuck on the same problems, can come from issues around control; either feeling you have too little control or too much of it! Both can prevent people from seeing a realistic solution to a problem and leads to the feeling of being stuck with no way out. Imagine a rainy day but instead of wearing wellies or taking shelter you just keep straining through it, trudging along. Thinking too much about your depressed state, your stresses, your problems etc. can make you vulnerable to depression and also maintain your depression. It’s known as depressive rumination. It’s not always bad e.g. going over negative events can help you make sense of them/ accept them and even ease their pain e.g. mourning a loss. But it is a behaviour that can be non beneficial. It can be difficult to stop the thought pattern but thinking too much about a problem can be very unhealthy.
There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so – William Shakespeare
If there is a problem to solve then try and put some goals or actions in place to help you solve it. If it’s something that can’t be changed, something that has happened in the past, learn to accept it and carry on with life. If you find yourself pondering over the same problems or feeling persistently frustrated and you don’t know why, it’s probably worth speaking to a professional, or someone who could help shed some light on the issue to help you understand where it’s coming from. Getting a perspective from someone other than yourself could be helpful.
It helps to do more things with your time; meet friends, allow yourself to experience something different, start a new hobby, visit theaters/ galleries/ theme parks or whatever your interest lies in, something that will help you see more of life and other people, and give you less time and space to run around your thoughts. The negative effects of seclusion can be far greater than the discomfort of being around people.
Enjoy the moments when you do feel relaxed instead of thinking ahead about what might happen tomorrow, all feelings and emotions can change from day to day so take time to enjoy the good days and good moments, problems don’t last forever but it’s your choice how you approach and resolve them.
And below is a short but effective example on holding onto problems:
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?” Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”
She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.” It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. Remember to put the glass down!
It's A Mental Life 